Love Won't Wait (Age: 15)

They once were binded
But not no more.
She left him behind
And so he closed the door.
She started to walk away
But turned back to look.
She thought that he would stay
But he shut his heart, the keys he took.
Suddenly she realized
That she really does care.
But they've said their good-byes
No longer was he there
He could've told her not to go
But his pride was in the way.
She could've told him she loves him so
But to her, that was for him to say.
So she turned once again
And soon she was gone.
Even thought it was the end.
Neither of them would completely move on.
Just then a shadow slowly appeared
And he stepped out from behind the door.
Down his cheek ran a silent tear
As he said his good-byes once more.

Lying Masks (Age: 15)

To everyone who knows me
I'm cheerful
Always bouncing around
Talking
Laughing
I'm someone to cheer everyone else up
But who will cheer me up?

To everyone who knows me
I'm happy
My life is perfect
Everything I've ever wanted is mine
I'm smart
I have a lot of friends
And guys
But I have nothing.

To everyone who knows me
I'm conceited
I know that I'm pretty
And smart
I know exactly who I am
And I can do whatever I want
But my security is so shaky
I need people to tell me what I already know.

To everyone who thinks they know me
They're wrong
It's all a mask
To cover up my unhappiness
My loneliness
My insecurity.
No one knows the real me.

*funny how something I wrote 10 years ago can STILL describe my feelings*

Unknown Feeling (Age: 15)

I have this feeling inside of me.
I don't know what it is.
I can't describe it.
It's this weird dropping feeling
Full of unhappiness.
I feel so lonely.
All by myself.
Like no one cares.
My soul is flooding with my river of tears
Because I won't release them.
I won't weaken myself
By showing my feelings.
So I keep them all inside.
One day,
My tears would completely flood my soul,
Moving on to my heart,
my conscience,
my spirit.
Everything would be flooded.
And I will drown in my own tears.

Mood Swings (Age: 15)

This is so fucked up, I swear.
It's like I'm on a swing
Constantly going
Up and down, up and down.

Somedays, I'm in such a good mood.
I'd walk around singing,
Joking with my friends.
I'd have my head in the clouds
With the sun.
Whatever I do is fun and interesting.
I'd always have a smile on my face.

But then the fuckin' stupid mood swings would kick in.
The swing would swoop way way down.
Fuck, it'll just fuckin' break off.
Everyone around me would be so annoying!
Everything they say pisses me off!
Fuck, everything pisses me off!
FUCK!!!

All my bottled up emotions would explode.
My anger will be uncontrollable.
The thoughts of suicide constantly crosses my mind.
Everything I think.
Every little thought
Is negative.

One day I won't be able to take it.
One day everything will fuckin' explode.
One day I'll crack and do what I never had guts to do.
One day suicide would not be just a thought.

Forever Memories (Age: 15)

I don't know what to say
My mind is confused and blank.
I used to like you SO MUCH.
You were my best friend,
My companion.
You listened when I had something to say.
You lent me your shoulder when I cried.
You comforted me when I was sad.
You made me make you my everything
And then you left.
I never saw you again,
Never heard your voice.
Slowly, day by day, I got over you
But I never forgot you.
You were always in my heart,
Always on my mind,
Always there.
Then out of nowhere you showed up.
You said Hi but it just wasn't hte same.
You brought up old memories.
Made me remember all the good and bad.
You opened up old wounds
That were never actually healed.
You brought back things that should've stayed away.
Maybe you should've just stayed away.
Why do I care?
Why can't I forget?
Should I let you go
And just keep the memories?
Or should I completely let go?

Crowded (Age: 15)

I'm feeling so crowded
Like I'm going to suffocate.
They're always at my throat.
ALWAYS!!!
I don't even have a few minutes to myself.
They're always there,
Yelling,
Demanding,
Telling me to do this
Do that.
Never giving me time.
Never letting me do what I want.
Everything is so limited.
An early curfew.
A short ass phone time.
DAMN!!!
I need some space
To breath
To relax
To be me and do what I want!

Belated Love - DEDICATED TO MY GRANDPA & GRANDMA LA (Age: 15)

I never cared about you before.
But ever since you left me
I've been missing you.
My heart aches for the times we've had.
Both the good times and the bad.

I've always taken you for granted.
I thought you'd always be here.
But I turned my back and now you're gone,
Leaving me crying for you.

Sometimes I forget
And feel like running to you.
To tell you things
To make you proud.
But then I remember,
You're not here anymore.

Memories are all I have left
And I treasure them in my heart.
So when I'm feeling lonely or scared
I'd think of you
Looking at me from up above
And I'd smile.
I hope you can hear me.
Because there's something I forgot to tell you
... ... I love you... ...

Mysterious Anger (Age: 15)

There's an anger inside of me
Threatening to explode.
I feel bloated.
Always trying to keep it down.
Trying to keep it from erupting,
Blowing up at the wrong times.
It's like it has a life of it's own.
It won't let me control it.
I feel like it's controlling me.
It captured my soul.
Forcing me to obey it
To let it do what it wants to do.
The anger is overwhelming
But I don't know where it's coming from.
This mysterious anger,
It's taking over my life.

Pain (Age: 15)

It's not the pain on the outside,
Not the physical pain.
That doesn't matter
It doesn't hurt.
It's the little thing inside of me
That suffers,
That feels the pain.
It's the self confidence that is battered.
Torn, ripped up,
Taken from me.
Self pity rises to take it's place.
The feeling of loneliness is overwhelming.
Hatred washes over everything.
I feel no pain,
No love,
No self pity,
No loneliness.
It has harden me beyond caring.
Hatred is all I have.

More Than a Friend (Age: 15)

I've always been just a friend
The girl that's on the side.
The one that understands
The troubles on your mind.
Every time you have a problem
I'm the one you talk to.
'Cause I can make you laugh
Whenever you're feeling blue.
But if you take the time to notice,
And looked deep enough you'll see.
You stand in a different light,
You're more than a friend to me.
But that's something you'll never know
'Cause you don't have time to look.
Your heart belongs to someone else
That has you on her hooks.

Just a Friend (Age: 15)

I could see the twinkle in your eyes
As you thought about her.
I felt like... ... I don't know.
It's hard to describe.
It's weird.
Sometimes I wonder,
What is it that makes you like her?
Do you fantasize about her
Like I do, about you?
Do you feel like crying
When she tells you about the guy she likes?
The way I cry?
Do you think about her so much
You dream about her?
Do you ever think about me that way?
NO!
We're different.
She's special

And I'm just a friend.